The pleasure of killing - 4x11 | 9x19
I wonder if either brother have ever considered that perhaps Dean is misreading his own perceptions…that he is looking what he did and seeing pleasure in the act of killing as proof he is corrupt, when in fact the pleasure is not in the death itself, but in the claiming of power he so rarely had both on earth and in hell, and in the chance to release his internalized grief and rage.
I mean let’s be honest Sam tried to reach out and was largely rebuffed but the show has basically left us with a man who was tortured constantly for three decades, ressurected not to end his suffering but to be used as a tool, and then even though he helped saved the world he’s been left with a very unstable support system in a world where continued emotion and physical traumas keep coming to deal with PTSD absent any significant therapy. Under those circumstances I’d say he’s pretty remarkable to not be more screwed up than he is…though that might in fact be the problem. He pretends plays normal so well people expect him to handle stressor situations like the emotionally healthy person he isn’t. And when he fails they get angry/frustrated and tell him he’s screwed up without pointing him toward any lasting paths to change. As a result his screw ups are a double agony to Dean because he’s left with a knowledge he doesn’t fit/isn’t good enough with a side order of humiliation and guilt over that fact as well. As a result he turtles into his shell even more or hurts himself not by cutting or such but by drinking too much trying to numb his discomfort or by taking incredible risks regardless of the harm it might cause him. A lot can be said about the Mark being the catalyst to Dean’s decent but let’s be honest’ it’s also Dean’s big league variant of self harm to an extent as well.
This. THIS is the Dean I adore. This. This man who makes women feel comfortable. Beautiful. Allowed to be themselves completely. Who sees a girl stuffing her mouth and thinks nothing of it, doesn’t make fun of her or make any kind of passing comment to Sam… cuz he’s stuffing his too. Dean, who tells a woman who fell in love with a “thicker” man that he understands that that extra cushioning is nice. Dean, who tells a woman who’s husband left her because he thought she was too fat, that he doesn’t deserve her.
Like, I could picture Dean cuddled up with a cute chubby girl…. like me or you or any girl regardless of her weight, he’d feed her pecan pie while snuggled up watching star trek and LotR and Game of Thrones re-runs.
I am so damn proud of what kind of man Dean Winchester is.
I think about this post a lot.
I love this post and this Dean.